Anger is the primary emotional state that functions to uphold our boundaries. When we feel anger, it’s an indication that something is wrong—a boundary has been crossed or a need is not being met. It’s not always just about our individual selves either—anger is the appropriate response to oppression.

Anger is an emotion like any other and we have as much right to feel it as sadness or joy. In fact, we have about as much right to feel any emotion as we do to hunger or thirst. We don’t choose what to feel, we just feel; Our choice lies in what we do with the emotion.

Many spiritual traditions insist we transform our anger into compassion, implying that anger is not a “spiritual” emotion. This idea confuses anger with aggression, an action which is often associated with how we can respond to this emotion. What this doesn’t consider is how anger can actually be an expression of compassion, a willingness to uphold boundaries that are sacred, or stand up for someone who is being oppressed. Compassion and anger can absolutely coexist.

Anger is not an action, even though one of its characteristics can motivate us to act impulsively – the urge to do something, and do it fast! While this can feel empowering as it helps us overcome fear in order to take some action—but how do we know what action to take?

Before we can act on our anger, we must slow down! We must be still even if it feels incredibly challenging.  

There are two types of anger: The first being righteous anger which is very calm and grounded, and knows exactly what must be done. It’s also very rare. However the more common type of anger we experience is anxious anger which is fidgety and confused, impatient for action. This is usually because anxious anger is responding to our fear or hurt (or both), and is trying to find a way out of feeling those other things. Sitting still brings those other emotions to the surface.

And so we must sit still. We must listen to what our anger is trying to tell us, even if all it knows is that something is wrong. We have to communicate with it, figure out what it’s trying to tell us, and even ask it some questions. What boundary has been crossed? What needs can we address right now? Can we be honest about those needs with compassion for ourselves or the other person’s viewpoint?

Anger may be quick to place blame on someone else but if we can slow down enough to try to identify what boundaries have been crossed, we may be able to see the situation more clearly and with compassion for ourselves and others.

Spirituality is not about finding ways to avoid or eradicate our feelings, this work is deeply emotional in nature. Embracing anger is spiritual! It helps us get close enough to ourselves that we can see to the heart of what’s happening, be honest about it, and care for ourselves and each other to the best of our ability. Rejecting our emotions is not the path. Listening closely to the messages of the heart and honouring them, even and especially when they are uncomfortable to sit with—that’s the practice.

If you need support in processing your anger or seeking ways to cope with your anger, you can always call our 24-Hour Crisis & Information Line toll free at 1-877-392-7583.

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By Tammy Desjardins – Indigenous Program Coordinator, WAVAW Rape Crisis Centre